My Life with Epilepsy, Psychology, and Psychiatry: Part 2

My life with epilepsy part 2

My Life with Epilepsy and Medical School

My life with epilepsy was about to be turned upside with my acceptance into medical school.  It was exciting and scary all at the same time.

Overcoming the seizures and medication side effects to get accepted into medical school validated that seizures and seizure disorders can impact our lives, but don’t necessarily need to dictate them.

There was one caveat to my acceptance.
I would be attending St. George’s University in Grenada, a small country just north of South America.

Now your initial thoughts might be, it would be amazing to spend two years in the Caribbean: crystal clear water, beaches everywhere you step, warm weather and you would be correct. The downside is that I would be completely isolated from my fiancé and family. Grenada is an impoverished country.  It does not have the medical access that I was privy to in the United States.  This required a great deal of planning between my neurologist and insurance company. Ultimately, I received 4-6 months of medication at a time, as I would only be home a few times during a year.

Despite knowing and understanding these challenges, I booked my flight, packed three of the largest suitcases I have ever seen, and took off into what is generally considered one of the most challenging and longest educational investments that one can make.

The Secrets of Medical School

Medical school is typically 4 years long. The first two years are mostly classes and coursework to prepare you to start doing rotations in a hospital. The third and fourth years of medical school are spent rotating in different departments of the hospital (cardiology, neurology, surgery, etc.), learning about the different specialties with the goal of choosing the one you would like to spend the rest of your life practicing.  Fortunately for me, I already knew that I would be choosing psychiatry.

Medical school is generally considered to be an extremely stressful and demanding experience due to being tasked with learning a tremendous amount of material in a short amount of time while simultaneously pulling 20-hour shifts. People usually compare it to trying to drink from a fire hose. There’s an extraordinary amount of pressure to not only do well, but to excel. Even though you make great friends while at school, ultimately you will be directly competing with them if you happen to go into the same specialty.

My Experience

My life with epilepsy made medical school particularly unhealthy. I continued to experience memory loss, difficulty with recall, and drowsiness from my medications.  In order to memorize all of this material, it became unrealistic to maintain a normal sleep pattern. It was not uncommon to stop at the store after class to buy several 5-hour energy drinks, an iced coffee, and some type of quick meal to shove down my throat in preparation for a long night of studying. I don’t recall ever going to sleep earlier than midnight. There were plenty of 4am nights spent cramming material.

I was lighting the candle at both ends. My desire to do well led me to start getting up earlier, further reducing the amount of sleep I was getting. Most classmates would study in a big library/study hall. I did not. I knew that I was increasing my chances of having a seizure due to my lifestyle and was trying to avoid having one in public. As a result, I would just study in the privacy of my apartment in case I did have a seizure. Looking back, it would have been safer to have had people around in case something did happen.

The Stigma of Mental Health

It didn’t take long to notice some trends while in school. People were visibly anxious, depressed, and abusing substances. What was most disturbing is that no one was talking about it. Now the reasoning is probably two-fold: the general stigma around mental health makes those suffering from it feel shame and embarrassment. Society does not look at depression like it does high blood pressure.  In a way, mental health and seizure disorders share that common characteristic. The two combined are even worse.  The other reason is that mental health is not talked about enough in the context of stressful situations, particularly in schooling.  People begin to feel like outsiders, as if they are the only ones experiencing it, making them less likely to seek help.

Clinical Rotations

I returned home from Grenada after two years of training, getting married seven days later. I moved to Brooklyn, New York, to begin my hospital training.

The hours were long, the anxiety was high, and controlling my seizures became difficult. I had a seizure in the hospital during my surgery rotation.  I still remember returning the next day hearing nurses saying, “That’s the one that had the seizure.” I was angry because I had tried extremely hard to be measured solely on my work. Instead, I was labeled as the person who had a seizure; my life with epilepsy reared its ugly head again. I was fortunate that I was towards the end of my rotation and quickly shifted to another department. Eventually, I was able to begin my psychiatry rotation. I had known for the previous 3 years that my goal was to be a psychiatrist.  Being able to work directly with individuals with mental health issues in the inpatient and outpatient setting was so validating.

The Start of Residency

Soon after, I began the application process for my residency program. I was fortunate to interview and match at Virginia Commonwealth University in psychiatry. Residency has once again brought along its own challenges. I have worked 12 hour overnight shifts for a month at a time, worked 24 hours shifts, and have worked with difficult patients. What I have gained through this experience is an appreciation for those who find the bravery to reach out for help. My department knows that my interest is in working specifically with patients who have epilepsy.  Many patients with epilepsy have been referred to me specifically due to my own personal experience.  I understand a lot of what they have endured and continue to go through. I offer patients an important balance: therapy and medication management, approaching each individual’s needs as a psychologist and a psychiatrist.  This combination is what makes my approach unique.

I plan on using my knowledge and my life with epilepsy to not only help others with seizure disorders, but to also try to build a community of like-minded individuals and healthcare providers through this blog.


  1. So I’m a psychologist with tonic clonic seizures. Ill have 3 years seizure free and then BAM! I get it. I can feel it coming and scramble to try and get safe and stop it in any way I can think of….sleeping, Ativan, et.c So I’ve been seizure free 15 months and had one today and I’m just devastated right now. I’m heart broken, ashamed, scared, frustrated, worried, and just want to hide. Can’t do that. I own a group practice with 13 clinicians and 3 staff. You are the first mental health professional I have found with epilepsy…I remember being unable to even really say it until my late 30’s. My first one came out of nowhere at 20 years old. This has been a very difficult journey. Thanks for doing this website. I hope it’s active….would lov to open a dialogue with you

    1. Hey Christina, it’s great to meet another provider with epilepsy! I’m really sorry to hear about your day, 15 months is a huge accomplishment. I understand the busy schedule and the “push through” mentality, but try and give yourself a bit of time to get your head right and talk to your neurologist/epileptologist. I’d love to have an open dialogue to get some ideas moving forward. I’ve been rather busy with interviews but will be updating regularly every week. I have some big stuff in the works.

      1. It’s funny…patience is great with other people, but never with myself. I’m struggling with this and I try to remember that these intense feelings do pass. All I want is long spans between seizures yet I get scared because it feels more devastating to have one when there has been a longer span. I’d like to find a place of strength one day…I’ve been through a lot in my life that has made me strong. This one, however, seems to be really kicking my ass

        1. It’s ironic how much easier it is to show patience and to validate others as opposed to ourselves. Sometimes I think that’s what makes those in our field good providers, but we end up falling by the wayside when it comes to self-care.

          It’s great to get those long spans without seizures, but there is that creeping anxiety of “when is it going to happen.” I’ve had those 3-year intervals, and it really is like hitting the reset button each time. The best way I can describe it is you feel as if you finally get over the hump, and then wham, back to square one. I just try to remember that I’ve done this before, I have support around me, and I may have to utilize it (even if I hate to).

          The tonic clonics can really be brutal on the body, which doesn’t help either. I’m not sure if you get the associated headaches, and muscle pain for days, but they are real reminders that, yea we are different. If you haven’t taken a look at the r/Epilepsy fourm but it is at 9000 active users. It has people with epilepsy, family members of those with epilepsy, and a lot of others who have common questions and issues. I am one of the moderators and it’s a great community. I bet you’d be a great inspiration to a lot of people there.

  2. Yes…headaches, tired, neck tends to hurt, inside of my mouth is all chewed up. All these reminders afterwards that make it challenging to move forward. My therapist said something that resonated with me yesterday quite a bit….I am a survivor, of many instances unrelated to epilepsy from many earlier years in my life. Reaching out to these forums, to my friends, looking to other ways to be healthier, finding better ways to remember my medications….all are forms of my resiliency and strengths. I never looked at that from a strengths based approach, but rather survival. And while it did come from a survival place, these abilities to find ways to cope and TRY to empower myself in a very vulnerable situation, is my strength. I realized last night that some of the most painful things of this is not only the shame, but the vulnerability. Both emotionally and physically. I’m very athletic, and a psychologist, professional speaker, and professor. When my body and mind don’t work, it hits every single aspect of my life that I have worked my ass off for…and you couldn’t have said it ANY better. It feels like the reset button. This ominous cloud of something eventually will go wrong and I will have another seizure and it might be in an important situation. Somehow I have failed. Failing is hard for me….and I think I can look at this as a lesson in humility as well.

    I am so thankful I found this site, and that your responding is so attentive because yesterday and the day before were even more raw than today. That’s when I didn’t only need to connect with my support system, but also a new one that understood better than anyone I know ever could. I feel like I found a community that I didn’t even know exeisted, and that just makes my heart swell.

    1. The community is only growing, and I hope to keep building it up. We have our patients focus so much on internal strengths that I think it can be easy to take on their failures as our own.

      I’ve definitely been there before, chewed up mouth, feels like I’ve been hit by a truck, and then feeling like an imposition to loved ones. I think it just takes some time to reassure ourselves that, 1) we are not defined by our disease, but also 2) we have this disease and it is okay. I should be making my next post today, it might even benefit from a comment from you due to your profession. Hang in there 🙂

    1. Sorry to hear about your aunt 🙁
      My next post is now up. It’s about taking the step to see a mental health specialist if you have epilepsy.

  3. Howdy! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my
    new iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts!
    Keep up the fantastic work!

    1. Thanks! I”m hoping to keep the material coming out. I’ll be relocating to a new position soon so it’s going to get busy.

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